| Been a while |
[Apr. 3rd, 2011|12:16 am] |
Hello anyone that reads this! Will anyone read this? Perhaps some old, stalker friends? Who knows.
Things are starting to look up.. kinda. My mom has moved out. And because of that, Justus has been getting worse. He spent a month in a boarding school, but the insurance decided not to pay for it anymore, so we had to pull him out of the school. And he's been making things hellish at home.
I've been working at good ol' WalMart for the last 6 months. It's alright... a lot of drama, but it pays, so whatever.
I'm trying to buy another horse. I have been a bit depressed ever since my parents sold Liberty, and now that I can afford one for myself, I'm trying to get one. There are 2 horses that have caught my eye. One is a 5 year old green broke Blue Roan AQHA Stallion (whom I will have to get gelded if I were to buy him) I'm planning on taking at look him tomorrow or Monday.
The other is a 2 year old (AMAZINGLY BUILT) AQHA filly. And she's gorgeous to boot. If she isn't sold by then, I'd like to go see her Wednesday or Thursday. She is about a 2 hour drive away and those are the two days I have off work this week.
So.. who knows. I just might have a horse by the end of the week. I'm super excited. :) |
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[May. 24th, 2010|02:29 am] |
Sometimes I wish I was an only child. Well, actually, I OFTEN wish I was an only child.
I sometimes think I would've turned out a better person without siblings. That way I wouldn't have a sister who is so much better than me, and brothers that are most likely the reason for my depression.
My grandparents visited briefly from Colorado. They were actually on their way back from Bryce Canyon. But basically the whole time they were here, my grandma was criticizing me on how I should stop doing "this dog thing" and do something with my life. How I need to go to school or whatever. And while I agree that I need to do something, I kinda took offense to how she referred to Spike. What I am doing with him is a great thing, and I feel that I AM doing at least SOMETHING with my life. I am giving sight to someone. One of the girls in my club wore a shirt that said "You see a puppy, a blind person sees the world" seeing her shirt just made me so happy.
In all honesty, Spike is the only thing that is keeping me from having a complete meltdown. He keeps me sane. And I sometimes feel like he is the only one I can talk to, my only friend. I guess he has kinda replaced Liberty in that sense.
And when my grandma wasn't criticizing me, our conversations were constantly focused on the situation with my mom, the absolutely wonderful perfectness of my sister and the problems my brothers cause.
My grandma couldn't stop raving about how cute Rian looked, or how wonderful her monster clothes idea was. My dad even got in on it and whipped out his itouch and showed my grandma a picture of my sister's beautiful "Million dollar smile". And this was all while I was standing right there.
For roughly 15 minutes total of their 2 day visit, we (kinda) talked about Guide Dogs, and talked a little bit about art. My grandma likes my art, but it was so obvious she didn't really care to listen about Guide Dogs (which so happen to be my passion right now). She seems to think doing this is ruining my life. She doesn't realize that raising a guide dog isn't holding me back in life at all. That's all me. There is a girl in my club a few years older than me that is going to school, working, and just moved into an apartment, AND is raising her 9th guide dog.
Anyway, all this just kinda made me think back. Anything we really ever talk about (just everyone in my family in general) are about my sister's achievements (or latest "projects" or whatever you want to call them), my brothers and my mom.
Sometimes it doesn't even really feel like I exist.
My sister is just.. perfect. She's skinny, pretty, has lots of friends, likes fashion and make-up, goes to CAP once a week, is running for junior city council, etc etc.
The only thing is, all these achievements/achievements in progress has seemed to have made her very conceited.
She takes literally hundreds of photos (if not more) of herself every couple weeks. I mean, I guess I can't blame her.. if I looked like her, I would probably take a lot of pictures of myself so I can kiss each photo at night, also.
She almost seems to talk down to me. She makes these.. faces when she talks to me, that (to me) come across as a "holier than thou" type deal.
In fact, she seems to think that I am her personal chauffeur. She is now 16, doesn't even have her permit, and has actually said to me and my dad "Why get my license when I have people that will drive me places?" She said it as a kind of joke, but I am beginning to believe that is how she really feels. And she gets really pissed off when I don't drive her around.
Maybe I'm just blowing it all out of proportion.
It's just really hard having a sister that excels in everything. Especially when that sister is a younger sister. I've just kinda lost hope for myself. I don't see a point in trying anymore, I'll never be as good or as perfect as Rian, so why even try?
I think I'm just jealous. And I wish I wasn't. |
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[May. 15th, 2010|02:24 am] |
These are things my mom has said that I would like to respond to, but promised my dad I wouldn't say anything to her.
Well, I need to respond somewhere, and here is as good a place as any.
I'm going to secretly hope my mom see this.
If dad was a man that "kicked ass" when needed, your ass would've been kicked out of the house a long time ago. And I sometimes wish he did kick you out, but dad is just a kind, caring person, and that is who he is.
You "cut back" on facebook? And you want to do it "again"? I wasn't aware that stepping away from the computer to pick up one or two things off the floor, then going BACK to the computer was considered "cutting back". But what do I know? I'm just an immature child, brainwashed by her father.
You DO realize that facebook can't actually see you, right? Or do you just do that multiple times to boost morale? To reassure yourself that you ARE sexy? Or so facebook says.. |
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[Feb. 22nd, 2010|10:33 am] |
I honestly don't care if anyone reads this. I don't care if no one reads this. I just need to get this out somewhere. Need to blow off some steam.
I am so sick of my mom. I never thought I would ever say this and mean it, but I'm growing to hate her.
She has recently lost about 80lbs, which is great. However, losing the weight has boosted her confidence to the point of arrogance. It appears she thinks she now too good for our family. Too good for my dad.
She is too busy on facebook, flirting and telling inappropriate jokes to her old high school friends to do anything around the house. The last time she cooked dinner was about 2 months ago, and it was just Spaghetti. I don't even remember the last time she cleaned ANYTHING. For about the last 6 months, I have taken over the cleaning and some of the cooking, because someone has to. My dad works his ass off everyday so we can live in this house. He deserves to come home to dinner on the table and a clean house. He shouldn't have to come home from work, make dinner and clean up after my brothers, like he had been doing.
The other day, my dad confronted my mom about the inappropriate things she had been saying on facebook. I over heard their conversation, and my mom told my dad that she didn't love him. After which she removed him as a friend on facebook.
A few weeks later, my aunt Anna (my mom's sister) called my mom out on her inappropriate "behavior" on facebook. My mom got pissed and thought my dad put Anna up to it, and removed her as a friend on facebook. But you know, my mom has some of Anna's kids as friends on facebook, and believe me, the things my mom is saying are not things you want your children to be reading. So of course Anna is going to call her out on it. Heck, I removed her as a friend months ago, because she was saying things I didn't want to know.
I don't understand how my mom has grown to be so immature. I honestly don't get how she can go from a down-to-earth overweight, great mother, to a skinny bitch who mooches off my dad.
And I don't understand how you can be married to someone for 21 years, and suddenly decide that you don't love them. I don't get it. It makes me wonder if she will just one day decide that she doesn't love me anymore as well.
Whenever something inappropriate on tv or something came on, my mom used to say something like "I'm glad my dad isn't here, he would be so ashamed of what the world is becoming." And then, a few year later, she turns around and says these things she has been saying. That doesn't come off a hypocritical at all.
My mom was a cheerleader in high school. She used to tell me that she was that one nice cheerleader. I can't believe I believed her. It is now quite obvious she wasn't the "nice" one. She was just as stuck up and superficial as she is now.
I want to move out. I really do. But I can't just leave my dad while all this is going on. He needs me, and I can't just abandon him.
Anyway, I guess I'm done talking about my mom.
Turns I will probably not see Chris again until NOVEMBER. That's 9 fucking months. What the hell am I supposed to do without him for another 9 months? There is a very slim chance he will be able to visit in April, but it's not likely. It's bad enough that my parents will probably be getting divorced withing the next 6 months and I don't have my horse and that I will be losing Spike in June-Julyish, But now I won't get to see Chris until November? Right now, Chris is my light in the dark. My shelter in a storm. When we talk on the phone, everything else just doesn't exist. I forget all the things going on around me and for once, I feel happy. I don't really remember the last time I was genuinely happy. I guess before all this drama with my parents started about a year ago.
I'm done ranting for now. |
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| Best Cadence Ever! |
[Dec. 17th, 2009|04:36 pm] |
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[Nov. 29th, 2009|08:59 am] |
Chris came home for Thanksgiving!!
I have missed him soooo much. He has gotten HUGE since the last time I saw him. He all of the sudden has biceps. His old pants barely fit him because his thighs have gotten so big.
He says he runs at least 4 miles and does 500+ push ups a day. (And I'm sure he does quite a bit more, I mean, it's the army.)
On Thanksgiving, he came and picked me up and we went to his house and hung out with his family (poor guy missed his family so much)
And yesterday, we went to the Mall with Jace, Hannah and Dallin. Dallin is one funny kid. Just about everything he said made all of us burst out in laughter.
Chris wanted to go to Bath and Body Works and get his sister something for Christmas. Spike really loved that store, he was so distracted by all the scents.
Chris insisted on buying me something so I had him pick out a scent he liked and I got the lotion with that scent. He picked Black Raspberry Vanilla, and I actually quite like it. Every time I smell it, I'll think of him. :)
He went back to Fort Huachuca today, but he is coming back on the 18th. I can't wait to see him again. |
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[Nov. 2nd, 2009|06:27 am] |
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I thought I could fly, so why did I drown? |
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[Oct. 18th, 2009|04:32 am] |
Which one is Spike?
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[Oct. 6th, 2009|09:45 pm] |
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Sorry for talking to you. I'll never make that mistake again. |
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[Oct. 5th, 2009|03:03 am] |
Chris called me today. It was so great to hear his voice! It sounds like he is doing well. Apparently they are going to be learning how to use grenades tomorrow. That kinda freaks me out a bit, but I didn't tell him that.
He is moving over to Fort Huachuca on October 16th. He will be there for a total of 21 weeks. That means he will be done by the end of March. That's so far away! It's a good thing I will possibly be going to Arizona to visit him with his family in a few months. Plus he gets to come home for Christmas, so I'll see him then, too.
I miss him so so so incredibly much it almost hurts. |
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[Sep. 29th, 2009|12:46 am] |
I got a letter from Chris the other day.
Before he left for basic, he'd always tell me his latest crushes and who he liked and who he wanted to ask out, etc etc.
In the letter I got from him, it says "Anyways, I miss you terribly and I need to admit that none of the women here have attracted me quite as much as you, my Lauren."
And now I'm totally confused. Why would he say that? Does he like me, or does he just prefer my looks to those of the women at basic?
The "My Lauren" doesn't mean anything. He ALWAYS calls me "His Lauren" and I always call him "My Chris". It's our version of pet names, I guess.
I will hopefully be visiting him in Arizona in a couple months. Maybe I'll be able to figure it out then.
He leaves Basic in about 3 weeks! (At that point, he will be moved from SC to AZ where he will stay until he is able to speak Spanish fluently.)
Spike just turned 5 months, and he is the most adorable Lab ever.
More detailed updates of him on my other blog thing.
The end. |
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[Sep. 11th, 2009|06:12 pm] |
Rian, my sister, just pisses me off.
She looks for a reason, ANY reason to hate anything and everything I like or love.
She posted a picture of her hold Spike at Antelope Island on facebook, one of her friends commented on it, and she totally insults Spike (by which she insulted me). I know Spike doesn't care (obviously) but I feel like Spike is my child. He is my life, and I have bonded with him like I have never bonded with any another living thing before.
Here is the picture (I'm aware that it's all pixelated, I had to use paint, so shut up.), the comments and my response.
It's not like she is kidding, either. She has this deep-set hatred for Spike for absolutely no reason other than he is my responsibility. She is constantly telling me how much she hates him, and how stupid he is, and how ugly he is.
It's like this for every animal I have ever owned. My birds, my rabbits and my horse. All the same story. But she totally loves Jake, Shelby and the cats. Even though one of our cats, Nala is an onery old fart that bats and hisses at everything.
Anyway, I am ranting.
Sorry.
I'm just totally pissed off.
-----
15ish minutes later...
She deleted my comment. haha.
Probably because she knows it's true.
I'm gonna go chew her out for real now.
By the way Joseph, you can comment again. |
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[Sep. 8th, 2009|09:56 am] |
I lied. If you really want to see pictures of Meade, just look at them on the other blog thing I linked in my last post.
In other news, I've fallen in love with Dr. Horrible.
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[Sep. 6th, 2009|09:56 am] |
Did a puppy trade with someone in my group on Wednesday. I've got Meade until Monday (tomorrow). I can't wait to get my baby Spike back.
Pictures of Meade's adventures with me to come.
To read more about Spike, if you wish, go here:
http://laurensgdbpups.blogspot.com/ |
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[Aug. 25th, 2009|05:04 pm] |
Spike wondering what a mirror is:
link |
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[Aug. 22nd, 2009|11:41 pm] |
 
Ignore this. |
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[Aug. 21st, 2009|05:43 pm] |
When one person says "I love you." Why is it that the other generally responds with "Me too,"? It doesn't make sense to me. It's like saying this:
"I love you."
"I love me, too."
That's why I respond with "you too" and not "me too". This conversation would make more sense to me:
"I love you."
"You, too."
Because it's just like saying a shortened version of "I love you, too."
I mean, is responding with "Me too" really proper English? Unless you are REALLY talking about loving yourself, it just doesn't make sense to me. |
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[Aug. 20th, 2009|04:49 pm] |
My brothers treat me like shit, and my parents do nothing about it.
But, you know, who cares about Lauren? |
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[Aug. 11th, 2009|12:23 pm] |
Yeah. So on my way back to Utah, someone going the opposite direction than I was swerved into my lane. I would've swerved into the oncoming lane to avoid him hitting me, but there was another car directly to my left. Lucky for me, there was a split second opening between the two cars, and I took it. I was probably less than a foot away from having a head-on-head collision.
I don't know if the guy/girl fell asleep at the wheel or what, but I could have easily died today. I was shaking so badly afterward that I ended up pulling over until my heart settled.
Had I been going even 1 mph faster, I surely would've been dead. (Considering I was going about 80mph and the other driver was probably going about the same.)
I consider this to be a near-death experience.
Somebody was watching over me tonight and I feel extremely blessed to be alive.
I really hope there is a letter from Chris waiting for me in the mailbox. I miss him so much, and I could really use the distraction. |
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[Aug. 10th, 2009|01:37 am] |
I'm in Coloradoo.
I've been here since yesterday, and I miss my puppy. It's weird not having at my side 24/7. But I'm going home tomorrow in my new car! I took it for a little drive earlier, and it was way fun. I'm excited to take it home.
Oh, the flight over was awesome. We hit tons of turbulence, and I loved it. Meanwhile there were some people panicking and some people asking for barf bags. I'm fine with turbulence so long as the pilot knows what he/she is doing. I'm sure a well experienced pilot would've been through worse turbulence than that, hence the reason I wasn't panicking like the lady sitting next to me. |
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